My intention today was to Blog about the great date Alex and I had last night.....but my day has gone totally crazy....
My oldest daughter Alex sent a message on face book yesterday that was answered......It was one of those moments that could have been on the show FIND MY FAMILY. For anyone that doesn't know, I had a two year love affair with a much older than me, married man named Al 26 years ago, and from that relationship was born a gorgeous daughter, Alexandra. When I became pregnant and decided to keep the baby our relationship slowly ended. Though my love for him never did......Al knew me, knew my heart, knew my hopes and dreams, we would sit and talk for hours sometimes, many long walks on the beach, and probably the most me I have been able to be in my life, he accepted me just the way I was, my crazy ideas and he loved me for me. I don't know that anyone has ever really reached in and has known me that well since...........so after I had Alex, her father came to see her once as an infant and then that was it, we did not keep in touch and went on to live our separate lives, he had his family to protect and I understood that. I didn't want to interfere in his family life ( I know I wasn't thinking that when I was taking time from his family for two years, selfish I KNOW you don't have to say it), and the birth of my daughter completely changed my life. Well it changed the day I found out I was pregnant....I was useing cocaine on a regular basis back then and had been out seriously partying the night before. But that moment in the Dr's office changed everything, and have not touched any illegal drug since that day. I have always felt that saved my life, truly SAVED my life....being a mom saved my life.....God truly saved me from my own destructive behavior.
So needless to say, Alex has grown up to be such a fantastic daughter, friend, sister.....she is truly a special person and I believe allot of that comes from her father, he was a man that made friends wherever he went, someone who would pull the car over to help a stranger. He had a HUGE HEART, just like his daughter.
A couple years ago Alex decided she wanted to meet her Dad and I said well then you should look him up......she did and subsequently found out he had passed away, she was crushed. She had only one picture of him and I together at the wedding of my best friend, and the blue bathrobe that he kept at my apartment all those years ago, I had given to her. She was so sad and sorry that she had not tried to find him earlier and had missed out on the chance to know him.
A couple days ago Alex sent a message to one of Al's other daughters on face book not knowing if she even knew he had any other children. And WOW she got a answer and spent almost 2 hours on the phone tonight with two of her half sisters............ so for me it has just stirred up so much emotion, I am so happy for Alex that she had a welcoming response from her sisters, you never know how those things will go. I hope it helps her in some self discovery, know the other side of where she comes from, they shared lots of pictures of her dad with her. I ran over to her apartment and got on the phone too, so strange to talk to his daughters, but so nice to feel I can let go of the secret, even though as anyone who knows me I am an open book and have never really kept it a secret, I have still always felt it was a secret especially to his children. I didn't want them to think less of their father.
Mostly I want them to know that our relationship was not just a fling... it truly was a love affair, we saw each other every day during that time, I loved their father very much, and Alexandra was born out of love....... Note: he was not married to their mother when we were together, the three girls mother and Al had been long since divorced and he had remarried.
I remember how scared I was to tell my parents I was pregnant, I invited them out to dinner, I figured they would not cause to big a scene in a restaurant. I tell them and oh no real big deal...........and then a few years later come to find out that my dad had a daughter with another woman while he was married to my mother........that is another story for another day, but that is why my dad couldn't be mad at me I figured that out later. And my mother, she supports me in everything, never judges, only loves me. I'll never be my mother....
Oh, Okay then after Alex and I get off the phone we turn around and Brevin my 3 1/2 year old is puking in the middle of Alex's living room, he had been jumping and rolling on one of those big exercise balls, who knows why but he's puking......I clean up her carpet and him and carry him home to our apartment which is in the same complex as Alex, where I give him a bath get him into bed and and and he PUKES again, and again and again and now he is on my bedroom floor wrapped in a quilt asleep, it has been a crazy day.....never a dull moment, how much more can you show a child you love them than cleaning up their puke. SOOOOO this is why my BLOG went wild, I never got to blog about what I had originally intended to......Life as a mother, thank you MOM for cleaning my puke and for loving me just the way I am.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
adoption story........
I was married and had four children after 12 unhappy married years we divorced. I had always wanted to have a large family and was most sad that would now never happen. I know lots of people think that four children in allot but I didn't. So I raised my children and then first one left home and the others were getting old enough that they really didn't need mom that much. Oh they do always need you, but not like when they are little. I knew in my heart that there were going to be more children in my life but I wasn't sure how. I decided to look into being a foster parent, I could be making a difference in the lives of kids that really needed it, and also fill the my own need to be a caretaker. I took the 10 week foster parenting classes and had the home study and became a foster parent.....the whole time I am doing this I told the kids we need to all be praying that God will send us a child that fits our family and that our family would be what that child needed. So we prayed and waited.
I didn't tell everyone that I was even thinking of being a foster parent, because I knew the judgement would come, and trust me it did come. But I have never been one that really cared to much what other people think....I knew that this is what God was calling me to do, what I was born to do, be a mom.
So I am at my office working away and the phone rings, "hello", its the foster parenting placement office. We have a child we want to know if your interested in? I have had several of these calls before but so far I have to say no to every child, I was only willing to take a child younger than 7, because of having three of my own children still at home to take into consideration. So they go on to tell you about the child and the situation in which they came into custody. As she is talking my heart is racing..........it's a 10 month old little boy, malnutrition, dependant neglect taken in by child protective services, he has never even been to a Dr, would we be willing to take him. "YES" this is at like 4 in the afternoon, and they say okay we will be at your home in an hour. Hang up the phone and pick up the phone and call home, my then 13 year old is at home. I tell her the caseworkers are on there way to the house, they may beat me there, get what you can ready, the port-a-crib out of the attic...............OH MY WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!!! Also you should know that this is the daughter that the Christmas before said all I really want is a little brother!!!
So it's not a little brother, but a surrogate brother, we know that we are just going to care for this child for a short time, and pray that he will either go back to his parents or to a family that will love and care for him. In the mean time we get the joy sharing our love with him.
So we did what we set out to do we took care of this little boy and relished in every moment of it. After a year and a half the courts severed the parents rights, which made him eligible for adoption............by this point he was part of our family. If there are no relatives that are eligible to adopt the foster parents have the first right of adoption. Knowing this was going to be an option again we prayed ......... there we relatives that wanted him but that ended up not happening. It was now up to us, and there was not one second of doubt, we were going to adopt this little boy.
I don't make allot of money and was concerned about how we would manage it, but I also know how God works. We have never not had our needs met. It has been a financial strain, I lost a job during all this and then had to work two jobs to make the money I was making, our house was foreclosed on ( but it is was just a house). We have our family, now at home (Which is now an apartment) I just have my 15 year old daughter and my adopted son who is almost 4. People do judge, there have been people who have thought that he is my daughters child, it has taught her not to worry what people think.
As I have raised my children, I have always told them that it was my responsibility to raise them to be responsible God fearing adults, trust me there have been many rocky roads, but I have raised three adult children that I could not be more proud of. There are lots of two parent homes with out of control children who live at home mooching off their parents, my older three children all live out on their own, support themselves and are remarkable young people. And that is how I knew I could adopt as a single parent. God has blessed me beyond belief with a beautiful family. And as a mother let me tell you, it truly does not matter if you give birth to a child or God gives you the child by adoption, you love them just the same, sometimes I think maybe even more, my heart just swells when we have family activities, go camping or hiking, I just look at him and think he would have never had this moment.........over the holidays we went to Fl and my father took us all out on the boat and my son caught his first fish, I have never seen a child so excited in my life and in that moment I just tear up thinking the life he would have had, that he would have maybe never had these experiences, never had Grandparents that love and adore him, brothers and sisters that now don't remember what it was like to not have a little brother. And a single mother who is devoted to loving and raising him to be a God fearing man.
I know there will always be those people who will judge me, but my judgement will come when I stand before God.
I didn't tell everyone that I was even thinking of being a foster parent, because I knew the judgement would come, and trust me it did come. But I have never been one that really cared to much what other people think....I knew that this is what God was calling me to do, what I was born to do, be a mom.
So I am at my office working away and the phone rings, "hello", its the foster parenting placement office. We have a child we want to know if your interested in? I have had several of these calls before but so far I have to say no to every child, I was only willing to take a child younger than 7, because of having three of my own children still at home to take into consideration. So they go on to tell you about the child and the situation in which they came into custody. As she is talking my heart is racing..........it's a 10 month old little boy, malnutrition, dependant neglect taken in by child protective services, he has never even been to a Dr, would we be willing to take him. "YES" this is at like 4 in the afternoon, and they say okay we will be at your home in an hour. Hang up the phone and pick up the phone and call home, my then 13 year old is at home. I tell her the caseworkers are on there way to the house, they may beat me there, get what you can ready, the port-a-crib out of the attic...............OH MY WE ARE GETTING A BABY!!!!!!! Also you should know that this is the daughter that the Christmas before said all I really want is a little brother!!!
So it's not a little brother, but a surrogate brother, we know that we are just going to care for this child for a short time, and pray that he will either go back to his parents or to a family that will love and care for him. In the mean time we get the joy sharing our love with him.
So we did what we set out to do we took care of this little boy and relished in every moment of it. After a year and a half the courts severed the parents rights, which made him eligible for adoption............by this point he was part of our family. If there are no relatives that are eligible to adopt the foster parents have the first right of adoption. Knowing this was going to be an option again we prayed ......... there we relatives that wanted him but that ended up not happening. It was now up to us, and there was not one second of doubt, we were going to adopt this little boy.
I don't make allot of money and was concerned about how we would manage it, but I also know how God works. We have never not had our needs met. It has been a financial strain, I lost a job during all this and then had to work two jobs to make the money I was making, our house was foreclosed on ( but it is was just a house). We have our family, now at home (Which is now an apartment) I just have my 15 year old daughter and my adopted son who is almost 4. People do judge, there have been people who have thought that he is my daughters child, it has taught her not to worry what people think.
As I have raised my children, I have always told them that it was my responsibility to raise them to be responsible God fearing adults, trust me there have been many rocky roads, but I have raised three adult children that I could not be more proud of. There are lots of two parent homes with out of control children who live at home mooching off their parents, my older three children all live out on their own, support themselves and are remarkable young people. And that is how I knew I could adopt as a single parent. God has blessed me beyond belief with a beautiful family. And as a mother let me tell you, it truly does not matter if you give birth to a child or God gives you the child by adoption, you love them just the same, sometimes I think maybe even more, my heart just swells when we have family activities, go camping or hiking, I just look at him and think he would have never had this moment.........over the holidays we went to Fl and my father took us all out on the boat and my son caught his first fish, I have never seen a child so excited in my life and in that moment I just tear up thinking the life he would have had, that he would have maybe never had these experiences, never had Grandparents that love and adore him, brothers and sisters that now don't remember what it was like to not have a little brother. And a single mother who is devoted to loving and raising him to be a God fearing man.
I know there will always be those people who will judge me, but my judgement will come when I stand before God.
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